I had just laid back down to get a bit more sleep before dawn broke and I had something more to say. Through the years, I have flirted with many people. Male or female, flirting is fun. It’s often silly and public but it should always be fun and enjoyable. I would flirt even when I wasn’t getting paid to.
Also through the years I have had married men proposition me. All but one was straightforward in their intentions. They didn’t want to leave their wives, they just wanted something else.
Now, I hope you’re paying attention here. I don’t think most of them were looking for just sex. That’s easy to get. They’re missing something in their relationship. Something they think they can get with me.
People need to feel attractive. I think that’s true throughout the animal kingdom. When people are flirted with, they feel good about themselves.
These guys that wanted to have an affair were not looking for anything serious. It was just that I made them feel wanted. Sexy. Attractive. Interesting. Funny.
It’s what we all want. It’s a basic need.
So, if you have a significant other, male or female, stay playful. Flirt. Make advances to them. Come on to them.
And straight up, if you aren’t having sex with that person… ask yourself why. Sex is important. Sex strengthens the bond of intimacy. That bond or connection is a basic human need. Just because you have convinced yourself you don’t need it, doesn’t mean they have. And if you really don’t enjoy it, for whatever reason, then give them the option of getting it somewhere else.
When I flirt with a guy and then he quietly comes on to me, I know his life is lacking something. When I flirt with a guy and he reciprocates publicly, often with his wife there laughing with him, I know they have some good stuff happening between them. And often I’ll flirt with her too.
I have no interest in filling one small part of a guys life. But I know far too many people who think that one part is insignificant.. Please trust me: it’s not.
They will fill that void somewhere.
We all have areas that need to be filled. And no single one of us can possibly fill every single void of another. We just need to focus on those parts that we want to be their go-to for. Did you follow that?
It’s one of the reasons, if not THE reason, that I started journaling and posting. I needed to be heard. But I don’t have comments turned on because I DON’T need to listen to anybody but me. Certainly not feedback from strangers. Don’t take that personally. I’m pretty careful about who I let in, and you should be too.
So, my advice: Learn to flirt. Enjoy it (it doesn’t work if you don’t really enjoy it). Be playful. Learn how to really kiss. I cannot stress enough how great kissing can be. When you are kissing somebody who is really good… you can kiss all night and never get bored.
And recognize you cannot be the everything of anybody’s life.
Let me add here, though: this is not an excuse to cheat or prodding you to forgive someone who has. I wouldn’t. Part of being an adult in a relationship is communicating needs and wants and desires. If your relationship is not providing something that you really need from that relationship, then an option is to end it.
I know that sounds contrary to what I said above. Love is tricky. Just do the best you can. Be as honest as you can. And learn to kiss really well.