Welcome back to Focus on You. I’m Dachia. It’s been a year since I started this podcast. It started as one thing, morphed into something else, a few times and here we are.
The goal of this podcast is to help you create and express yourself at any level of the Hierarchy of Needs. I like that as a visual.
No matter where you are on that, please remember this pyramid is yours and yours alone, focus on your own path and not the billboard for somebody else’s pyramid.
As we come into the new year, I want to just give you some advice that has served me well and I hope will serve you.
There is plenty for all.
The media and many companies work to give us FOMO, which stands for fear of missing out. They try to get us to compare ourselves to others.
There are groups that spend a lot of effort trying to upset certain groups by making them think or feel their group has it much worse than some other groups.
Making us feel like we are being screwed and it is unfair and somebody else has so much so therefore we won’t have any.
There is plenty for all. Life is a never-ending buffet. So what if one person takes 6 plates of the Mac and cheese in one trip. There is still plenty of Mac and cheese for you. Relax. Eat your salad and breadstick.
I did say I do love my analogies.
I want to help you make some decisions on where you want to be and who you want to be, and I want to help you to just jump in and get started, but not because you need to be in a hurry. You have plenty of time.
You have plenty of time to make plenty of mistakes and figure yourself out on your own time and terms.
If I can do anything to help you, please let me know.
And if you have a story of your own success, we’d love to hear it. Or if you want to share something you are stuck on, I’d love to try and help you so that others can hear the process and maybe glean some help of their own.
Happiness is our new definition of success. If you are making lots of money but are not happy, that’s not success.
I know it goes against what so many of us were taught growing up. But as well meaning as our parents were … most of our parents were well-meaning… despite that, their definition of success is not ours.
My dad is in a nursing home. He cannot walk on his own. He has dementia. And when I visit him, I don’t always know who I’m visiting. Sometimes he is in a good mood. Sometimes he is very upset and wants to discuss selling the rest of our mom’s paintings to bring in some money. Or starting some sort of business… or selling something else for money.
And I try to be logical. FYI, logic is useless on dementia. But I try anyway, and I ask him why he needs to money since everything at the nursing home is covered and there is nothing to spend money on.
He often yells at e that what business is it of mine. Again… dementia.
But when I think about it, logically… this is something that was so ingrained in him. Money. We need money. Money is the answer. We need more money.
We chose a family business that should have given the family a lot of joy… but we didn’t work it that way. It was about money.
And when it eventually fizzled after 30 years, because we had all grown up and moved onto our own lives, he kept starting new businesses. One after another after another.
And each of us kids learned a few things from that. One thing we learned was that none of us ever wanted to be involved in another business whose sole purpose was to make money. Each of us, from time to time, in the early years, did join our dad in whatever business scheme he was doing. We didn’t want to. But we felt we had to.
And eventually, he gave up trying to rope us in.
But still, in his nursing home wheelchair, his memory is goes to money. Trying to make it. Trying to grow it.
Quick story concerning my own foray into starting businesses for the purpose of making money….
When I was in my 20’s, I got involved in a Muti level marketing business. Better known as an MLM. Let me preface this with I have no issues with MLM’s. But in their meetings they would talk about all the things we could do once we make a huge amount of money. All the things that will make us happy. All the things we enjoy.
All we need to do is build this MLM… recruit people and sell product… and then with all that money that we’ll make, we can do things we want to do.
Now, at that time, I was working on writing a book. I was likely working on 20 books. Anyway, I was told by my upper levels that won’t it be wonderful when I can write books… after I make all this money in this MLM?
We would have dream-building days, where the guys would go look at expensive cars and the gals would go try on ball gowns.
I’m not kidding… but that’s not the point. We would also go look at dream houses… as described by them. Big homes with 5 bathrooms and a private landing strip, because this is how we should define success.
I suffered for a while in that environment. And then I read Walden.
Not kidding… that was a turning point for me. I read Walden and visualized a life on a small house in the woods. And it was beautiful.
And I also started to question why I needed to wait till I had a huge income before I wrote a book. Any of them.
I had hoped that one or more of my books would be marketable and make a little money.
But my upline worked at convincing me that a little money is not enough. I needed a lot of money.
But I didn’t. I took a few days after reading Walden to give it some thought and figure out if I really wanted to what everybody else wanted me to want.
And I kept coming back to that tiny house in the woods and a car that got decent gas mileage so I could take road trips. That was my bliss. And you’d think that would be it, right? I’d walk away from the MLM and go live in the woods. But no… I didn’t.
Because by this point in my life I had been firmly indoctrinated into the belief that the goal of life was financial. That everything was under that. All happiness would be under the financial priority.
Like many of us, I did have a gut feeing that this was not true. That happiness could and should be achieved on its own… nothing to do with the drive toward money. Nothing to do with stuff. Nothing to do with really anything else.
However, my life of indoctrination kept getting in the way.
This was the battle I subconsciously fought for decades.
And I don’t fight it anymore. I have peace concerning this. Yes, we need to make some sort of income, but the income itself has nothing to do with happiness. It is a choice and the goal in itself. And for many of us it can be the thing we do that achieves the income.
What I mean by that is that everybody needs to make a certain amount of money. Pay for rent and electricity. And what we choose to do to earn that income is our choice. We can work an assembly line where our mind can daydream, or we can work for someone doing something we think we want to do for ourselves, and therefore learn the skills, the business if we are interested.
Or we can create something of our own. Something we enjoy. Something that we love to think about and can’t wait to get out of bed to start doing again.
I hope I can help you find that one thing and get going on it. I would love to hear your story of your journey through the Maslows levels or where you are now.
Remember that the membership site is open by invitation. I just want to be sure that it meet your needs. So, if you have something to create and share online… to express in some way, but you are not sure how to go about doing that, that’s what the membership site is for. To help you find your voice and get it out there. Choose a platform and follow a simple step by step system to get out there. Without all the online overwhelm.
I’ll be back next week. Have a happy new year. Let’s make this next year the year you put your happiness as a priority and start moving toward self-actualization. Bye for now.