Hey there! Welcome back to Focus on You! I’m Dachia.
As I mentioned previously, I’ve changed the name of this podcast and am expanding its focus to include everybody who is struggling to achieve their own self-actualization.
My belief is that it is through creation and expression that we achieve that… and we achieve our personal happiness.
And happiness is the goal.
Happiness is the priority.
We have spent decades, either personally or part of a culture, that defines success through money or status…. And neither has anything to do with happiness.
How many of us can name a handful of people whom by all accounts should be blissfully happy but aren’t? They have a beautiful home and car… and prestigious job. But they are not happy… why?
Because those things have never amounted to self-actualization.
I often see people compare careers by some sort of value system. They’ll say something like “people who are protecting this country should be paid more than a guy catching a football.”
The problem with that, from someone who has never watched a football game in their life, me… and who absolutely 100% supports our military, is that we cannot or should not be comparing the value of people by their professions.
If we do that, then we are also saying that anybody without a career or profession… or current employment, is during that time period, without value.
First, let me say that my opinion of anybody else’s value should hold zero meaning to anybody else. And anybody else’s opinion of my value based on anything they wish, is not or should not be of interest to me.
I think we need to get away from the idea that what we do has any value other than the fulfillment and happiness it gives that person.
So, anybody doing anything they love and makes them happy… has far more value to all of us than somebody doing anything that they don’t enjoy doing.
I was raised, perhaps it was the time period or the time period my parents were raised in, or the overall culture, which is far more likely, in any case I was raised thinking that I needed to pick an occupation that was of a high status. Like a lawyer.
My dad knew that I loved acting. I was in every play from K-12 and college. I never landed a lead, but I still loved acting.
But what he suggested I do is get a law degree.
He backed that up with I’m smart and can think well and yada yada yada… and while that softened the blow, what I heard was, acting will never get you anywhere. You need something to pay your bills and raise a family on.
Because that was his lens.
My lens was … to be on stage. To connect with people through a character. To share an emotion. A journey. I didn’t care at all about the life it would provide for off stage or away from the cameras.
So, I went to college, still wanting to just act, when I likely should have… just acted. I’m not a supporter of college for the masses anymore. And I have a bachelors degree and 2 masters… and an unaccredited PHD. I loved college. I loved the changing environment. This was after I barely graduated high school with a solid D average.
And I majored, my undergrad degree in communication, which was basically a whole lot of theater and public speaking and relating with words.
But I think the whole time, I had my dad’s words leaning over me. This will ever amount to anything.
That was 30 years ago and over the last decade I’ve finally started to figure out that my dad and I defined “amount to anything” very differently.
He was an executive officer of a company and made decent money… which we spent on developing a family horse business. That experience seemed to cement the idea that won’t be happy until we are successful and that would mean making money with horses.
Nw let me preface this by saying that you can make a living with horses. You can make a living in ANYTHING.
However, we did not make money in horses. In fact I think it is fair to say we pretty much lost everything in horses.
But it was not the business that was the problem, it was how we defined success.
Through theist 30 years, I’ve worked with several clients who were in the field of horses. And several of them would complain about there being no money horses.
The problem was their own ideals and definitions and expectations.
But back to my foray into acting, after college, I did nothing with it for years. I kept trying to get a decent paying job so I could be successful and then in my leisure time I would join a community theater group. That was the plan.
I struggled with this for many years.
Through that time, I watched my parents have to sell their big home, sell off most of the horses, move in with my brother and his family, and my dad continually start new businesses with the sole purpose of making a lot of money… and continually lose whatever money he had.
My mom, a trained artist, was doing her art. Getting into shows. Selling in galleries. But she was also creating and feeding a cancer that would eventually take her.
I mention this last part, because as good as my mom was in painting and creating so many cool and beautiful things, and as much as I think she enjoyed the creation part of it, I have to wonder if her drive to sell, either in whole or in part, was an unhappy activity. She never complained about having to pack up the an and drive several hours and spend the weekend at an art show.. but I’m not sure she would have.
My hope here is to express upon you the importance of not adulterating what you love. Create and express your authentic voice. The true you. But if you find yourself haggling out a trade with yourself. Negotiating what you can do and for how long and then you must do something else… I hope you take whatever time you need and find a way to delegate someone else to what you don’t want to. What is not your strength or your love or your intent or your passion.
If you are lucky enough, for lack of a better phrase right now, to have a love for and a gift of something… then do that. Any time spent doing anything that does not bring you personal satisfaction or fulfillment is wasted. Because you are better than that.
Part of my own purpose with my membership site is to take the overwhelm out of expressing online. Personally, I know in my experience that creating online is enjoyable. I like poking around on my various sites and making changes or deciding I’m done with this particular project and sell the site and start something else.
I figure out who I am by putting myself out there. And I want to encourage and support others to do the same. Dive in online.
If your current definition of success is based on anything but happiness, I want to ask you take whatever time you need to change your perspective.
At the top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is self-actualization… and I think the result of that is happiness.
It is for me.
Now I will say here that many of us will be happy binge-watching Netflix and that’s totally fine. For them. I have no judgement of them. Honestly. Their value is not diminished by their choice as long as that choice doesn’t harm anybody or anything else.
The goal is happiness. And every single one of us can achieve that by recognizing it as the goal, and being be honest with ourselves as to what makes us happy and not what SHOULD make us happy.
That’s enough for today. I’ll be back next week. Probably talk more about Maslow because so much of my own philosophy arose from reading his work.
Until then.. take a moment or several to determine what makes you happy. Describe to yourself when you’ve been the happiest. If you want to share that either in voice or written word, head to my site, Dachia.com and leave a voicemail or send an email.
Remember that the membership site is open by invitation. I just want to be sure that we jive- that I meet your needs.
See ya next week.